Asking a Guy out - How to ask a Man out on a Date


While many sexual conventions have changed post women’s liberation, curiously enough asking someone out on a date still tends to be largely a male prerogative. Many women would like to ask a man out, but are held back by thoughts of appearing unladylike or worse desperate. The good news is that more often than not men are quite relieved to find women taking the initiative to ask for a date. So for all you women out there raring to go out with the cute guy you have a crush on, here are a few tips.

Catch his attention

If it is a new guy you want to ask out, the first step would be find a proper way to introduce yourself. Suppose you are with friends at a pub or café and see this attractive guy waiting at the counter. Try to catch his attention but in a subtle manner. Make eye contact for a couple of seconds, smile and then look away while still smiling. After a brief while, if you find the guy still glancing towards you, then it is a definite sign that he is interested. This could be your cue to walk up to him or if you are lucky he could even walk up to your table. On the other hand after making the initial eye contact, if the guy doesn’t look your way again or turns the other way, then probably you should let it go.

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Strike up a conversation

This is perhaps the most crucial part in preparing the ground for asking a guy out. If you have just met the person like in the above point, strike up a conversation by introducing yourself and saying something nice or funny about the place you are at. Don’t get too personal at this point by asking whether he is single or if he travels a lot. The whole idea is to break the ice between you two and get a feel of whether it would be a good idea to go out. The best way to do this is to make small talk with him; you could also do this by commenting on something he is wearing like “I like your jacket/watch” or asking a question, “how long have you been coming to this bar?” After a brief while you could go on to ask him non-intrusive questions about himself, such as what kinds of things he likes to do, what are his favorite kinds of food or if he likes to play sports. By asking such harmless questions you can know more about him which in turn will help you decide if you really want to go out with him or if he is available.  If the guy begins flirting with you, flirt right back but keep it all non-sexual or you might come off as too desperate.

Find grounds of mutual interest

The whole point about starting a conversation with the guy you want to ask out is to find something fun you can do together. If it is someone new, then after establishing the good vibes, ask about his likes and dislikes. Explore common areas of interest, perhaps an activity like ice-skating or a favorite music band. Talk about your mutual interest for a while and then casually mention that you have tickets to this concert and if he would like to go with you. This is also the way to go about when you already know the guy you want to ask out. He could be an acquaintance, a neighbor or a friend of a friend. Try to meet him at a time and place when you know he won’t be busy, like for instance when he is having an after-work drink or walking his dog in the park. Chat him up by starting with whatever you have in common – if he is a neighbor comment on the increased motor traffic in the area or if he is your cousin’s pal, ask him if he has heard about your cousin’s newest job.

From here, you again need to go on to his interests or hobbies. For example, if the guy If he's into politics and talks about it all the time, invite him to a political rally. Or tell him about this Italian restaurant which has garnered great reviews and casually ask if he would like to check it out with you. The main thing here is to keep the approach light and comfortable. Don’t simply corner him at a café or the grocery store and ask outright about going out for a dinner/movie. At best he will agree unwillingly and at worst he will plead another engagement. Go about it easily and charmingly so that you can make him comfortable with you and interest him enough to want to go out with you.

Do it in person

Difficult though it may seem, the most effective way to ask a guy out is to do it in person. Don’t rope in a friend to ask him out for you. Besides the fact that it is embarrassing, it also reveals a lack of confidence on your part which to a guy can be a turn-off.

Ask him for help

Guys love being asked for help by girls as long as it isn't going to create a lot of work for them. Find out what he is very knowledgeable about - it could be computers, cars, sports or anything else. Ask him to help you with fixing your computer or some trouble with your car or on understanding how a particular game is played. You can then get him to solve your problem. Just make sure it isn't too complicated a problem. You want him to solve it, not leave him with the feeling that he didn't measure up to your expectations.

Respond positively

Don’t lose heart if a guy says no to your proposal of hanging out together. Just smile and say, “Oh well, some other time perhaps”. The good thing is that now at least he is aware of your interest in him and thus might want to get to know you better. Or if he appears to need some more time to decide about going out with you, that’s OK too. In the meantime work on your friendship and build the trust between you two. Chances are that he will change his mind. But even if he doesn’t don’t hold a grudge or secretly vow to get back at him. It is not only an extremely unattractive quality in a person, but will in fact keep you from focusing on other potential partners who may be way more fun to go out with. On the other hand, if he does agree to go out with you, have a plan. Since you asked him out, it is upto you to decide where you’d go and unless he insists otherwise, also be ready to pay for the date. Finally don’t forget to have fun since this is the best way you can ensure you get to see more of this guy.