The beginning of a relationship is a time of great excitement. you are on the verge of something wonderful and you cannot wait to be with your beloved. no matter how crazy you are about each other, it is best to bring a little practicality into the picture too. so before you decide that you are ready to be known as a couple, here are ten questions you better thrash out with your partner.
- What are your values in life?
By now you must have had a few engaging conversations with your partner. The main purpose of these talks is not merely to kill time before you two can get between the sheets but really to know how each of you thinks about life. If you have not yet had any meaningful exchanges, do so without delay. Inquiring about your partner’s values in life will give you a fair idea about the qualities that he/she holds dear since these not only define the person he/she is, but will to a large extent influence the choices he/she makes. For instance if your date is religious, it is likely he/she will want to celebrate holidays and religious occasions in the traditional manner. This could determine how and where you will be spending your holidays and if married, how your partner would like to raise the kids.
TIP: 'Tell Me Honey...2000 Questions for Couples' has 2000 questions couples can ask each other to come closer.
- Tell me more about your family
Your partner may have told you on the first date that his/her family is down South or that they originally came from Scotland, but it is unlikely that you got to know more than that. However before you begin a new relationship, it is important that you get to know a little more about your partner’s background and what home was like. The way a person is brought up goes on to exert a significant influence on his/her adult relationships. At the same time it is best to tread with caution – invite him to talk of his/her folks but don’t seem too insistent on knowing the details.
- What are your career goals?
Every person has a set of dreams and aspirations. These usually have to do with what he or she would like to achieve and where they see themselves after a certain number of years. Before entering a relationship, it is important that you sound out a partner on his/her goals since these may emerge as a significant factor in deciding your role in their life. If your partner is ambitious, he/she will probably not think twice before moving to a different city on account of a promotion. On the other hand if he/she holds professional ethics close to heart, he/she might not make a huge amount of money in jobs where a bit of wheeling-dealing goes.
- How do you manage your finances?
Usually one can pick up valuable hints about a man or woman by observing how he/she spends money during the initial dates. However a clear discussion may be better if you and your partner are serious about each and especially if you are thinking of moving in together. This is because your partner’s spending habits will significantly impact the life you have together and influence financial decisions that you take in your relationship. Thus if you believe in the virtues of saving, you may be in for a rude surprise when after moving in you find out that your partner has a measly amount in his/her bank account. On the other hand if you prefer to live and spend for the moment and your partner is the thrifty sort, your relationship could be in for some rocky times.
- What do you think of sex?
Very few will say that it is a bad idea, but the general intention is to get down to a healthy discussion about sexual likes and dislikes as well safe sex. Such cold verbalizing may seem to douse any fires of passion at the start of a relationship, but the maxim ‘better safe than sorry’ could not be truer on any other occasion. If your partner pushes for intimacy knowing that you are still not comfortable about it, this could be a warning sign. Even if you want to go to bed with him/her, see if your partner is willing to take responsibility for his/her actions which essentially means practicing safe sex. Refusing to use a condom, lying about sexual health and pressurizing you to do things that are dangerous or uncomfortable could be red flags in a new relationship.
- What about your exes?
While you may already have got a hint that your partner was into a serious relationship before or even know that he/she is divorced, before you start a relationship it is important that you get to know a little more about his/her past. While there is no need to subject your partner to an inquisition, if this thing is to go anywhere you are certainly within your rights to know the status of his/her previous relationships. Indeed if he/she has issues like alimony or child support, these matters could influence your future relationship.
- What are your pet peeves?
No matter how completely compatible two people are in a relationship, there are bound to some personal habits of one which drives the other crazy. Popularly termed pet peeves, these seem to pose no major danger to the relationship unlike infidelity, alcoholism or financial irresponsibility. And yet when the irritations caused by pet peeves build up over time, they can burst forth with frightening force and seriously damage a relationship. So instead of letting your relationship suffer from such ‘non-issues’, it is far better to set aside some time to discuss your mutual pet peeves with a partner.
- How do I feel when I am with him/her?
The success of a relationship does not only have to do with how your partner behaves. Before you decide to go ahead, answer honestly to how you feel about yourself when you are with your beloved. If you feel nervous about what he/she will so or do and anxious about how best to please him/her may be you take a step back and reconsider the relationship. A truly happy relationship instead will make you feel content, positive and hopeful when you are with your partner.
- Where is this heading?
No couple can predict how things will turn out in a relationship. There are way too many variables, including a thing as notoriously unpredictable as the human heart. Still before you embark on a relationship, it is reasonable to ask your partner about his/her expectations from the relationship and how much is he/she willing to give to it. Some of the most tragic breakups happen not because one cheated on the other, but because both wanted different things from the relationship.
- Do I feel the magic?
During the first few dates, partners are usually exploring what chances they really have with each other. You may think alike on religion, politics, money and don’t mind hanging out together. However if you don’t see the magic between you two even after having gone out three or four times, chances are that you are not yet ready for a relationship. On the other hand if you cannot wait to see each other again and your date is one exhilarating evening after another, it is likely that you have met a special someone and are ready to move further.