Signs you are Dating Someone Completely Wrong for you

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One of the most terrifying questions that face  almost all singles on the brink of a relationship is that whether the person they are dating is right for them. More often than not, it is the little signals in a relationship and a niggling doubt that can send warning signals blaring in your ears. Here are some questions which can help you to find out if you are dating someone completely wrong for you.

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You have nothing in common

Not sharing mutual interests is usually the first sign of incompatibility in a dating relationship. A common love for gardening, Latino dancing or perhaps traveling can give you both a stress free and enjoyable way to spend time with each other. In fact you need not even like the same things in the very same way - since you may prefer to laze around on beaches during vacations while your partner tries out his/her hand at wind-surfing - but just the fact that you both love to travel and see new places can act as a bond and let you spend quality time with each other. However if you don’t share any interests at all, you will constantly find yourself bickering on what to do, where to go and who to see – all conditions quite inimical to a happy relationship.

You know nothing about his/her family and friends

Asking personal questions is not the usual thing in the first couple of dates, unless of course the person is willing to talk about his family, childhood, other relationships and so on. This is because your date may have come from a broken home or been in a traumatic relationship. However at some point you need to know more about this person’s family as it is essential to a complete understanding of who he/she actually is. Many aspects of a personality are shaped by influences that one receives while growing up. So if your partner is the rebellious sort who has a knack for challenging the law, it may have something to do with an authoritarian or excessively strict father figure from childhood. For this reason if a partner completely clamps down when you ask him/her about friends and family, either they are hiding something significant or unwilling to make you a part of their inner lives – either way a fair reminder that the person is not right for you.



Absence of communication

When enraptured of each other, two people may quickly decide that they share the same values in a relationship and are thus meant for each other. But issues like freedom and commitment have several shades of meaning and at some point in the future, you may find that your definition does not necessarily match that of your partner’s. To take the example of freedom, you may think it means giving space to each other in a relationship like being able to pursue one’s own hobbies and interests even if they are time consuming. However for your boy/girlfriend it may include much more that that like being able to engage in sexual relationships outside the partnership. Usually such divergence in attitudes is a consequence of a lack of communication. If you and your date are not able to communicate your feelings, thoughts and priorities in a healthy, non-confrontation manner, it is likely that you both are ill-suited to each other.

You have widely different values in life

While mutual chemistry usually sparks the idea of a date, it is hardly enough to hold you together in later on. For two people to have a meaningful relationship it is crucial that they uphold the same things in life. For instance, where spending money is concerned, do you and your partner have similar priorities? If one of you feels the whole point of making money is to be able to spend it while the other prefers saving for a rainy day, the divergence in views can lead to a significant source of stress in a relationship. Other areas where it might be beneficial to have similar values are relationships, spirituality, work and family. While it is not essential that two people have exactly the same strategy on how to go about a particular course – like giving up easy working conditions in exchange of a higher paid job –  if you do not share a common perspective on the basics – for instance recognizing the importance of a challenging career – it would mean more than a few  hiccups in your personal life.  

That voice inside your head

It is not always major issues such as clashing priorities or financial irresponsibility that can act as red flags in a budding relationship. Some of the times, it can be something as small as that tiny voice in your head, asking you to get out before it is too late. If this is the case for you, then one of the worst things you can do is to ignore that voice. Give it free reign and let it direct you to the conclusion you may have already come to – like something ‘fishy’ about your date’s past relationships or a closet addiction. Psychologists believe that such instinctual voices are really the result of our own observations –  humans tend to pick up hundreds of apparently insignificant cues and signals which are then stored in the subconscious. Later when we feel that something is ‘off’, it is really our own self sending a warning on the basis of past messages and their subconscious interpretation that we should steer clear of that somebody.

You deny facts that you know are true

Sometimes though you may be goaded to suppress the inner voice and this is when you are living in denial – you know something is true, but you just can’t bring ourselves to see it or admit it. Maybe you don’t want to admit that your date is a narcissist or you want to ignore the fact that all you two ever do is argue when you’re together. Whatever the actual issue, if you are constantly striving to deny facts about your relationship that you know to be true, then you are probably dating the wrong person.

Your loved ones are wary

Even when you may be oblivious to the truth staring at your face, your closest family and friends may not be so. People who truly have your well-being at heart are sure to send signals whether or not your date is the right person for you. It is quite possible that at times your friends and family may choose someone for you who isn’t a great match and In such cases, you need not follow their advice,  but if they are the people you trust the most and who know you best, and they are urging you to get out of your current relationship, then you owe it to yourself to give their advice a second thought.

You are unhappy

In addition to all the above signs, if you get the feeling that you are far from happy with this person, then it is a clear indication that this person is wrong for you. A feeling of unhappiness though can take several forms – you may have nothing to complain but still keep thinking about someone else, you may suffer from a vague feeling that there is more to love or perhaps your self-esteem has a hit a low since the time you have been dating this person. More than loving someone else, a truly fulfilling relationship will make you love yourself, optimistic about the future and happy in general – if you feel none of these and especially despondent when with your date, it is time to move on – now.