When your ex is dating someone else

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A breakup is almost always difficult to get over. No matter which partner was at fault and who initiated the breakup, when a relationship ends it is bound to bring pain and regret. But the process of coping becomes that much more difficult when you watch your ex start dating again even before your tears have dried up. However here are a few things you can tell yourself and do when your ex is already dating someone else after your breakup.

TIP: Read the guide to prevent a break up or get back with your ex.

Some amount of sadness is normal

Dealing with a breakup is hard as it is. But when you see your ex get back to the dating scene, particularly within a few weeks of the breakup, the pain can be excruciating. You might feel as though the relationship meant nothing for your ex and that they never even really loved you. Or else how can anyone move on so quickly? What for your ex may be an adequate period of mourning the end of a relationship, might seem too short for you and the return to dating on part of your ex too soon. Accept that it is natural for you to feel so sad and even cheated at watching your ex move on to another partner. In fact, if the latter is someone your ex knew even while you were together, you may even feel that they had been meeting each other behind your back. Understand that this is a time when everything seems to be messy and it is quite hard to distinguish the reality from appearances and conjectures. Go on with your process of healing since unless you are calmer in mind and more objective in your thoughts, it will be impossible to understand what really happened.

Probably on the rebound

If your ex has already begun to see someone barely a couple of weeks after breaking up with you, it is most likely a rebound relationship. It is extremely tempting to get involved with someone new right after a breakup since it not only assures the person that he/she is still attractive and capable of being desired but actually allows one a welcome distraction from all the heartache and regret following a breakup. But even if you know that your ex is not dating on the rebound, resist falling into the trap yourself. Seeing your ex move on to other partners, you may be tempted to search for a replacement but unless you have healed from within, no amount of external distractions can enable you to really leave the past behind. Above all, it is hardly fair on the new person to be wanted merely as a means of forgetting the past instead of the person he/she actually is.

Examine your intentions

If it has been quite a while, say around three months, since your breakup and even then seeing your ex resume dating hurts you badly, perhaps you should be honest with yourself. Examine your thoughts and see if you had been entertaining hopes of getting back with your ex. Such expectations are hardly unusual and quite often estranged couples have been known to get back together after a brief period of separation during which they probably had the time and space to analyze their individual priorities. If you have been doing the same, perhaps you should be aware that winning back your ex from the arms of a new partner will be a long and often uneven process. You will have to start from scratch in order to create conditions for mutual trust and respect and at the same time be patient enough to watch another person paying attention to the one you secretly love. Getting back together with your ex is possible but that will include its own challenges and specific ways of going about it.

Think positively

If on the other hand, you are quite certain that you have no thoughts about getting back your ex, it may be easier for you to accept that it is time for your ex – and you – to let go of the past. For starters, remove yourself as far as possible from the sight of your ex and their new partner. Take another route to work if you had been bumping into each other while commuting or stop all contact with them by phone/emails if the two of you had remained in touch. Tell yourself that your ex’s dating has nothing to do with what you both shared at one time and how he/she felt about you then. Take heart from the thought that he/she must have loved and cherished you when you were together so as to continue with the relationship for as long as it did.

Get on with your life

Finally, bring focus back on yourself instead of obsessing over who he/she is seeing and why. Get yourself busy with work and a new set of hobbies. Do all that you could not while in the relationship like traveling abroad, going for a walking tour or keeping a pet. In fact now that you have more time at your disposal, join a course or learn a new language. This will not only help you to push away thoughts of your ex into the farthest corners of your mind, but also bring you in touch with newer people who know little and care less about your past. Remember that your energy should be focused on your own process of moving on and not your ex’s.  He/she seems to have managed pretty well without you and now it’s your turn to do the best you can for yourself, which includes much more than finding a guy/girl to hang out with.

So whether you wish to get back with your ex or are looking forward to living among new people, knowing that your ex is dating others is not the end of the world. If indeed you want to give your relationship a second chance, giving your ex enough space to date others could be the easiest way to having him/her back with you. And if not, watching your ex date someone else may have been just the thing you needed to help you on.