One of the most heart-breaking experiences a wife can go through is to see her husband walk out of their marriage for the sake of another woman. The emotional consequences can range from immediate rage and despair to a depression lasting for several years. Impossible though it may sound, even after such an experience, it is possible to pick up the pieces of one’s life and move on. Here are a few ways to cope when your husband leaves you for another woman.
TIP: Read the guide to prevent a break up or get back with your ex.
Accept the reality
Whether or not you may have seen it coming, once your husband walks out on you, it is the end of your relationship, at least in its present form. Accept the fact, no matter how impossible it may seem. Do not scheme and strategize to get him back. Shake yourself out of daydreams in which you see your husband repenting his decision and returning to you. If you know of his family, friends or pastor urging him to go back to his family, distance yourself from these efforts since as far as you are concerned, he has already made his choice clear. Any decision that he may take separately will concern you only when he communicates them directly to you.
Allow yourself to get upset
Take your time to fully mourn the loss you have experienced. Every marriage involves huge amounts of investment in terms of time, effort and emotions and when you find that you don’t have a marriage any more, it can seem to take away the ground beneath your feet. The primary emotions are that of anger, despair, abandonment and helplessness. Cry if you feel like and get as miserable as possible. The grieving process is important if you are to move on the next stage of healing.
Avoid rationalizing what happened
When you are coping with your husband abandoning you, you may try to grope for reasons what led to it. You may think it was because you were too fat, too thin, too busy or too lazy. Or perhaps the other woman was too sexy or too intelligent. Understand that this is not the time to look for answers since you are too overwhelmed by your grief. The biggest priority right now is to pull yourself together and look after your kids, if you have any.
Look after yourself
As mentioned in the point above, it is crucial that you don’t stop taking care of yourself. Force yourself to eat a healthy diet even when you feel that nothing can go down your throat. Continue to exercise if you were in the habit of doing so before your husband left. If you feel it impossible to meet your gym mates, then go for a brisk walk in the park after sundown. Above all, stay away from unhealthy choices like rebound sex, alcohol or drug abuse since none of these will make your pain go away. They will merely take away your natural ability to heal yourself.
Get back to your routine
After your husband leaves, you may find it impossible to get back to your professional and social life. The shame and pain of being abandoned may be seem to be multiplied by curious co-workers and social acquaintances. But it is imperative that you get back to your routine. Join your office if you had taken off for a few days and stop at the grocery to stock up your freezer. No man is worth eating out of a tin for days on end.
Reassure your kids
The breakdown of a family is equally if not tougher on the kids. So if your husband has left his kids along with you, make sure that they are alright. Seeing their mom abandoned may intensify their own feelings of sorrow and insecurity. Have a chat with your kids and let them know that there will be a few changes in the family. It is a good idea to let them know why their dad left but keep their age in mind before you decide how much to reveal to them. If your kids are particularly close to a grandparent or an aunt, enlist their help in making your kids feel secure and loved. Finally reassure your kids that no matter what happens, their mom will always be there for them and you all will be together.
Look ahead and around you
After you have emerged from the immediate turbulence of your experience, try to have life with varied interests. Pick up a new hobby or learn a new language. Join a course in which you were always interested but never had time for. If you did not have a job earlier, look for one now. Once you fill your life with things to do and learn, you will be too busy to obsess about your husband leaving you for another woman.
Around this time, you can also get back to the social circuit. Go out with friends and co-workers. Attend parties and celebrations but try to be part of a larger group. Give yourself time to put your pain behind before you rejoin the dating scene. Keep yourself open to making friends and meeting interesting people but take your time to settle into a new relationship.
Stop thinking about the other woman
An essential part of getting on after your husband leaves you is to let go of the thoughts of the other woman. If you don’t know her, you may be tempted to fantasize about her attractiveness and sex appeal. Again if you know her, you might be assailed with emotions of jealousy and betrayal. If you find that you cannot put behind these thoughts on your own, then take the help of a counselor. It is much easier for a professional therapist to come up with effective solutions which will help you to cope with your feelings of abandonment and get on with your life.
When your husband leaves you for another woman, it is true that you may feel as if you will never get your life back. But have faith in the fact that you are not alone. Every day, millions of women around the world are coping with their abandonment and picking up the pieces of their life – and so will you.