Having Sex on the Rebound after a Breakup - Is it a Good Idea?


A breakup is always a difficult thing to go through, no matter what the reason. But if you somehow feel that the relationship was ended by your partner, you are tempted to go and have sex with others. This is known as having sex on the rebound. So before you go and hit the bar in search of ways to get over your ex, decide whether you really want to have sex on the rebound.

At its best, rebound sex offers a distraction

If you are going through a particularly depressing time after a breakup, having a casual fling might help you to take your mind of your ex. Meeting someone new and interesting may help you to realize that your breakup is not the end of the world and there are many reasons to bounce back to living and loving.

TIP: Read the guide to prevent a break up or get back with your ex.

Having made perhaps the only positive point about rebound sex, it is important to remember that such flings offer merely a temporary solution to the misery of a breakup. It is no better than a band-aid which simply stems the flow of blood but does not take pain away. The morning after, when you wake up with a throbbing head beside a virtual stranger at an unknown place, you are unlikely to feel very fulfilled in love or even pleased at what you have done. If you are lucky you may get away with a simple feeling of regret but at worst, you may be left reeling with disgust or remorse at what has happened.

A rebound involves a threesome

Even though a rebound affair seems an easy way of getting sex – with no strings attached – in reality it is still quite complicated. Primarily, because the situation involves three people – the person on the rebound, the new partner as well as the shadow of the former lover. No matter how perfect the sex seems to be with the new guy or girl, there is always the awareness that this could’ve been your former lover had you not parted ways. The pain is more intense if you were very close to your ex or if he/she was a wonderful lover.

Unrealistic expectations

Having sex on the rebound often falls short of the real thing because the weight of expectations it has to bear. If you have just come out of a relationship that involved infidelity or abuse, you probably expect your new partner to be caring, considerate and devoted, in other words a veritable 'knight in shining armor' who would rescue you from the pain of a failed relationship and carry you into the land of happily-ever-after. It is plain silly to expect a new partner to be all that you could not find in your ex. More likely you will realize that by having sex on the rebound you have merely exchange your old set of issues for a new one.

Is it fair on the new partner?

Very often a person may rush into a rebound affair as a way of getting over an ex. You may be tempted to zero in on a candidate who is the exact opposite of your former lover’s looks or personality. On the other hand, the new girl or guy may be a mirror image of the lover who has just left. But what makes the situation sticky is the fact that the new partner does not know that he/she has been chosen not for their own selves, but for being similar to or the opposite of a former lover. More likely you will be using the new partner as a distraction and then move on after he or she has served the purpose. This is hardly fair on the new partner who will be left to pick up the pieces of you rebound affair.

Do you even know the person?

If you have just come out of a bad relationship of several years, you may feel tempted to rush into next welcoming pair of arms. But be careful of who you go to bed with. The person you pick up at a bar or nightclub after a few drinks may hardly be the type of person who you would care to know if you were in control of your emotions. This is because when you still in the process of grieving, you are not thinking straight. Eventually you are bound to have doubts about the person you have picked out and may find yourself staring at the prospect of yet another loss of relationship.

Is it safe?

Having sex on the rebound leaves one exposed to many dangers, not the least of which are physical. If you are a woman, it might saddle you with an unplanned pregnancy and if you are a man, you may find yourself responsible for one. Even if there is an option to get an abortion, the physical and emotional trauma that one has to go through is just not worth the momentary high of rebound sex. Much more serious is the possibility of rebound sex exposing you to the risk of AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases since you are completely ignorant of the sexual history of your rebound partner. It is much better to deal with the misery of a breakup rather than risk your health and well-being for some temporary thrills.

There are many ways to cope with the pain caused by a breakup. The hardest but also the surest way to come to terms with the loss of a relationship is to give yourself time to heal and then accept any lessons that the breakup might have taught you. It is a good idea to meet new people during this time so that your mind cannot obsess about the breakup. But it is dangerous to do too much, too soon. Rebound sex works much like a drinking binge, it will knock out the pain from you for a time but you will wake up feeling worse than before. So take your time to become whole again. Only then will you be ready for a new and meaningful relationship.