With social mores and expectations undergoing a sea-change, it is no longer mandatory for women to settle down with a husband and children before they hit thirty. Today’s women have the luxury of focusing on college and her job while in their twenties even as they experiment with relationships in order to find out what she really wants. However should you feel it is time to settle down to a long term relationship, here are a few ways you can go about it.
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Clarify your priorities
The qualities that women look for in a partner are bound to change over time. While you may have declared in your late teens never to date someone who wore green, in your mid-twenties it might have changed to never dating a man who had an ex-wife or kids from a previous marriage. Ask yourself what exactly you are looking for in a partner at your stage of your life. For a woman in her thirties and wishing to get married, it could be someone with financial stability or a kind, generous personality. Again be very specific about the qualities that you require a potential spouse to have as opposed to a romantic partner. The latter could be a great lover in bed but if he has a fiery temper, it wouldn’t be much fun to have him around as a life partner. For most, a common set of values and life goals are more important in a long term relationship rather than sexual chemistry or even lots of money. Along with being clear about the must-haves like honesty and sense of humor, the good-to-haves like a good height and interest in classical music, also be sure of what you don’t want at all in a spouse. Deal-breakers could include a habit of smoking, dishonesty or absence of a job.
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Resolve to make your personal life a priority
With a busy career and a full-fledged social life, a woman might find her romantic life being perpetually put on the back burner. So once you have decided what kind of man you would like for a long term relationship, the next step therefore is to make your personal life a priority. Go ahead with finding a life partner with the same sense of direction and purpose that you would invest in your work. Rather than simply waiting for Mr. Right to come along, take time out to look your best and meet new people. Nothing short of a miracle will land a single, eligible man at your doorstep looking for a wrong address and a wife as well. So go out of your house where people come together. Instead of sitting at home and reading a book, do the same at a bookstore or at a popular café. Browse through the newspaper to see what events are listed in your locality like a poetry-reading session perhaps or even a fireworks display. This gives other people an opportunity to meet and talk to you which is hardly possible if you refuse to leave the indoors.
Know the difference
In order to find a man for a long term relationship it is important to separate the men from the boys, so to speak. Thus examine the men you are going out with now - are they the marriageable sort of do all of them include confirmed bachelors, mama’s boys and lazy spongers? No matter how much they are fun to be with, unless you get rid of these types you can never make room for men who are interested in a more meaningful relationship. Stay away as far as possible from guys who treat you like a booty call and instead focus on men who are looking for a companion, a life partner.
Look in the right places
In order to meet men who are willing to settle into a long term relationship, you need to look in the right places. Instead of hanging about in bars on weekends or going club-hopping with other girls, look in places where you are more likely to meet men serious about a relationship. Ring up old friends and go to their parties where you can meet new people. Your married friends could be a useful resource in pairing you up with guys who are ready for a committed relationship. Look for opportunities to volunteer in your community, church or the neighborhood – these areas tend to attract individuals with a mature bent of time and if you meet any singles, they will probably be more amenable to a serious relationship.
Your kids’ school
If you are a single parent, events at your kid’s school could also turn out to be pretty useful occasions to meet eligible men. With one out of every two marriages breaking up, there are bound to be other single-parent families in your kid’s circle. Get to know your kids friends and even if they do not all have single dads, you could network more with their families and share similar joys and challenges.
The internet is a great resource for seeking out potential partners. The wonderful thing about online matchmaking websites is that it lets to weed out unsuitable candidates by tools like personality matching and search filters. At the same it allows you to take your time in getting to know a new person instead of being rushed into something hasty. There are several sites which cater specifically to singles looking for committed relationships.
Don’t marry for the wrong reasons
Very often women after reaching a certain age start looking for a life partner when they see friends getting married or having babies. Fears about being left as the only single in the group and the biological clock ticking away usually goad women into settling for the next man that comes along. Before you find yourself swept away by the same emotions, ask yourself as to what exactly you are looking for in a long term relationship. Do you want settle down because you are scared of being alone or because you want to share your life and love with a good man? Also determine if it’s just a committed long term relationship you want or the emotional, social and legal bonding of marriage you are looking for. Remember that today there are all sorts of configurations in relationships which allow women greater choice than before. You can even have a child, biological or adopted, without going through a marriage. A long term relationship for the right reasons will not only provide the greatest fulfillment but vastly reduce chances of a breakup or divorce in future.
Finding a partner for a long term relationship is not exactly looking for someone to go bowling with on a Friday night. Realize that it will take time to find the person with whom you share your essential values and life goals. The only thing here is to have faith and keep looking.