For a woman, one of the biggest crises in a marriage comes when her husband admits that he doesn’t love her anymore. She is likely to feel the world coming to an end. Her initial reaction would be to cry a storm of tears and after spending herself out, she might plead with her husband, to give their marriage another chance, for the sake of the kids, family or the mortgage.
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However, there are other ways of dealing with such a situation, should it ever confront you. Explore the following tips and respond in a more mature way, when your husband says he doesn’t love you anymore.
Take it calmly
One of the reasons why men leave it to the last moment, to tell their wives that they don’t feel about their marriage as before, is because they are afraid of the reaction. If you start a deluge of tears, scream accusations and break every piece of crockery in sight, you might as well bid your spouse goodbye. Most men can’t cope with extreme reactions from their partners and would flee at the earliest chance. Rather, take the admission calmly and proceed from there. Your husband will see that you are a mature woman and this will leave him more open to discussions.
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Ask him to explain
As soon as you hear the dreaded words, don’t jump to conclusions that he is seeking a divorce. Calmly ask him to explain what exactly he means by the statement. If he says he doesn’t love you anymore, it may simply mean that he is acknowledging a crisis in your marriage and it is his way of ringing a warning bell. On the other hand, it may mean that he needs some time away from you, to understand his feelings. The worst case scenario is of course, when it is a preamble to his intention of opting out of the marriage.
Don’t bargain with him
If your husband says he doesn’t love you anymore, be certain that he has already given his feelings a lot of thought. It is unlikely that he will be moved by your pleas to keep the marriage intact for the sake of the kids, or social expectations. Your attempts to bargain with him may, in fact, make you appear weak and desperate to hold him back at any cost. And nothing repels a man like a woman who is pathetic enough to hijack her kids into a marital crisis.
Seek his reasons on why he feels so
Look your husband straight in the eyes and ask him what has changed in your marriage, for him to change his affections. Have either of you been too caught up in household chores or has a hectic work schedule taken its toll on your married life? Is he unhappy about your flagging sex life? Or he may be experiencing difficulties in work and this may be his way of expressing his frustrations. Has he met someone else? Asking him the reasons why he doesn’t love you as before, will give him a chance to put forward his side of the predicament.
Don’t turn it into a blame game
A discussion on the reasons for his loss of affection, is understandably, a way forward towards resolving the crisis but don’t let it turn into a blame game. Be especially wary of your husband making you responsible for the way he feels. Listen calmly to all he has to say and then quietly point out, this is not just about me or about what I did and did not do. It is about both partners and how each of us started giving just a little less to the marriage.
Decide on the next course of action
By this time, you must have got a clear understanding on what your husband actually implies, when he says he doesn’t love you anymore. If he just needs some time away from you, suggest that he take a break. If the crisis is more about conflicting priorities or money, may be you both can sort out the real issues and get your marriage on the road to recovery. Again, if both of you feel that the rut of domestic duties is responsible for the loss of affection, go for a vacation to a romantic spot and arrange to have the kids stay with relatives.
If your husband says that he no longer loves you, it does not mean that you jump into bed with the next man who crosses your path. Remember your marriage vows, which called upon you both to take each other ‘for better or worse’. Consider this the latter stage. Perhaps your husband may recognize your fidelity and the love behind it, and come back to you.
Be dignified if he says he must leave
If the root cause of his loss of love for you, has to do with someone else, there is little you can do. Handle the situation calmly and by all means maintain your dignity. Your husband will see you for the mature woman you are and who knows, may even rediscover your worth in comparison to the other woman. Remember that respect for a partner is the only long term basis of love.
Focus on the life ahead
If your husband says he no longer loves you and wishes to leave and you know you have done all you could, look ahead. Focus on your own life and your kids. Pick up the pieces of your life, one emotion at a time and stand on your own two feet. After a while, you will realize that there is great power in doing what is best for yourself and the kids.
Relationships between men and women are strange, convoluted things and more so, between a husband and wife. Passions, priorities, duties, rights and expectations always create havoc with what we feel about our spouses. So when your husband says he does not love you anymore, explore the reasons and see what you both can do to change the situation. If it is not meant to work out, stand tall with dignity and courage and make your own life.