When you Love Parties and Socializing and He Hates it

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The impulse to socialize is one of the basic drives in humans – meeting and exchanging pleasantries is how people lay the groundwork for co-operation and negotiation which is what living in a society is all about. And yet not everybody feels the same way about leaving familiar environs to meet new people and situations. Also socializing is becoming expensive with rising fuel prices and recreational costs. Indeed the stress created by differing aspirations around socializing can even pose a threat to the stability of relationships. So if your partner hates partying and meeting people, but you love it, here are few things you can do.

Begin at home

Over time couples in a long relationship tend to fall back to individual activities and give personal priorities greater importance; this may not be out of anger or willful neglect of a partner but just the outcome of a natural desire to put the self first. This not only puts off socializing as a couple but also creates an emotional distance between partners. If this has been happening to your relationship, shake yourself out of this complacent mode and make an effort into knowing what your partner is doing, thinking or planning these days. Once you start exchanging thoughts and plans, you will be facilitating the flow of communication and rediscovering his interests, all of which are crucial to plan outings he would enjoy.

Take baby steps

In order to get your partner enjoy socializing with others, you could start out by making your own outings enjoyable. Decide on the particular kind of activity that interests you both like music, sports or culture and then maybe you could sign up for a hobby class or a club catering to that particular interest. Apart from the thrill of learning something new, you will also be able to explore hitherto-unknown aspects of your partner and thus renew your interest in each other. Most of all, you will be meeting other people with common interests and who is to say a workshop on wine appreciation will not spill over to a trip to the newest wine bar in town.

Here however the real challenge here maybe to convince your partner to join a new class or club with you. So make sure it is something that you both are interested in. Think about all the things that brought you together in the first place – it could have been a fascination for Latin dancing or a love of early morning mountain biking. Find ways you can rediscover your enthusiasm for mutual interests. Get tickets to a game if you had met at a stadium or discuss a new restaurant in town if you both are foodies. Once you start participating in common hobbies you will find that you enjoy going out and pave the way to meet others with similar interests.

Look for affordable options

If the primary reason why your partner hates socializing is the expense, he may have point. Going to a party not only means arriving with a gift but also hosting a gathering in turn. Also rising fuel prices, costly downtown parking and sky-high prices of drinks and eats could all take the charm out of meeting people at a restaurant, nightclub or bar. If so, then look for affordable socializing options like going for a picnic in a neighborhood park on a sunny afternoon or attending a country fair where costs can easily be kept to a minimum.

Alternately you can have a casual barbecue in your own backyard, inviting a few old friends of your partner plus some of the new people you'd like to know better. In fact, it would help to do some pre-party research on backgrounds -- alma maters, jobs, and hobbies -- anything to spark conversation when you introduce your partner to other people. Also look for weekend family activities in your area so you can plan with a friend or another family to arrive at the same time – it might be a little sneaky, but worth it if everyone has a good time.

Examine your attitudes

If your partner has serious objections to socializing as a couple, make an honest analysis of the way you speak and behave in company in reference to him. Perhaps you are overly critical of your partner’s social habits or expect him to conform to too high a standard. Such unnatural expectations on your part may be stressing out your partner as a result of which he does not enjoy going to gatherings. Also ask yourself whether some kind of insecurity or inadequacy is bothering you which in turn gets reflected in your conversations with people and upsets your partner; for instance, maybe you are always obsessing about your job or kids or weight when you are in company and your partner does not like this. Keep in mind that negative vibes, however unintentional, may have caused your partner to gradually pull away emotionally. If this is the case, you will need to overcome your inner impulses which are creating a field of repulsion. If you cannot resolve the issues on your own, discuss matters with a trusted friend or a counselor.

Avoid the red flags

On occasions when you find your partner making an effort to go out with you and meet other people, try not to bring up stressful issues like money, relatives or former partners. Rather focus on what is comfortable and interesting. If you perpetually bring up what trouble the kids got in school and how the mortgage is overdue, then your partner will find it preferable to remain at home rather than engage in stressful discussions in company. This is not to say that real-life issues should be swept under the carpet but that social gatherings are not the place to vent on personal matters.. Instead set aside a specific time and place for such issues if they need to be resolved. But when you are together in company, look forward to positive, hopeful things which are bound to make you and everyone else smile.

Consider other issues

Do you feel your partner has become unsocial recently? Was he more outgoing and friendly in the initial days of your relationship but somehow become socially withdrawn now? If so, perhaps you should consider other issues. Your partner may be too stressed at work or perhaps worried about a parent’s illness, thus putting him off all thoughts of socializing. If you know for sure that none of these is so significant as to make your partner reluctant to go out with you to meet friends, consider issues underlying your relationship. Have you unintentionally done something to hurt your partner or may be he is seeing someone else which is why he is withdrawing from your company. Before you get worried about deeper implications of your partner’s withdrawal from you and social connections, calmly analyze all aspects of your relationship and if need be, take the help of an impartial person to understand things more clearly.

Respect your partner’s personality

Being social could mean different things to different people. Whereas most women can easily open up with strangers about kids, work, and family -- it's harder for guys. Sports talk can only go so far, and probably couldn't carry an evening. Then again many times inherent traits in a personality are the result of the kind of upbringing or past experiences. The boyfriend who cannot respond spontaneously to his girlfriend’s suggestion of meeting friends may have suffered infidelity at the hands of an extroverted ex. Or the husband who appears an unsocial boor to his wife may have been brought up in a succession of foster homes which is why he prefers the quiet comfort of his own home now. In such situations, it would be useless trying to force anything on your partner; it is best to respect his preferences and go out on your own. Sound out friends, neighbors, co-workers or even family members if they feel like going for a movie or trying out a new restaurant. If you feel like, sign up with a hobby club or special interest group where you can make friends based on mutual interests and hang out with them too.

See the bigger picture

While you may discuss your social needs with your partner and even request he accompany you to certain events, there is no point in trying to change your partner. You took the person for who he is and not for what you wanted to make of him. Entering a relationship with an image of what a partner is supposed to be and how he is supposed to behave is not only living in a fool’s paradise but a sure way to go about wrecking a relationship. Try to see the bigger picture instead. If your partner is deeply committed to the relationship and is there to take care of your emotional needs then maybe it is alright even if he is not ready to dance till three a.m at the hottest nightclub in town.