Dating experts often warn men to watch out what they say to their partners so as not to hurt them. Likewise there are many things that women too, often inadvertently say, which just as soon scare their men away. So if you find that despite being active on the dating circuit for some time, you simply can’t get a guy to stick with you, perhaps you are saying things which he doesn’t want to hear. Here are ten most common things never to say to a guy if you want him to hang around you.
Why didn’t you call?
It is no use grilling your guy about why he didn’t call or reply to your voicemail. The simplest explanation for this is that he didn’t want to. Actually why women persist in such questioning is to know why their boyfriends don’t wish to call them. There could be a thousand reasons for this, from being busy to being out with the boys or even not being terribly interested in you. Instead of nagging about your guy why he didn’t call, it is better you keep yourself busy. He will call, if and when he is interested.
Do you think I look fat in this?
This is undoubtedly one of those questions that every guy dreads to answer since he knows that you will balk at his reply, no matter what he says. If his reply is no, you may accuse him of being insincere and if he says yes, he could be crucified for being insensitive. So stop putting your guy through such a Catch-22 situation or the next time he will find it easier to leave rather than answer questions about your waistline.
Anne’s cheating on Paul… but don’t tell him
Most men dislike being made party to confidences which imply unsavory secrets about mutual friends or which make them uncomfortable. So before you pass on secrets about your pals to your boyfriend, remember he doesn't want to hear information that could get him into trouble. And even if he does want to hear it, he really shouldn't. This is because if he does spill the beans, your friend is going to be mad at you, not him. Along the same lines, he doesn't want to hear gossip about your friend’s gynecological problems or mortgage troubles - It's bad enough he has to hear about yours.
It’s just a game
To guys, it is much more than that. Period. Maybe you don’t see any point in twenty-two healthy guys kicking, swearing and bulldozing each other for one silly football, but to your man it is about strategy, leadership and plain muscle power. At their lucid moments even men understand that it doesn't make sense, but you should be happy that they are that passionate about something. So before telling your boyfriend that "it's just a game", imagine how you would feel if someone told you that Oprah's just a talk show host.
My ex would do the exact same thing!
Whether the point of resemblance is desirable - they both always hold the door open - or a less satisfactory one – both leave the wet towel on the bed – your boyfriend never ever wants to hear that he's anything like your ex. Apart from the obvious inference that you are always comparing the two of them, it also implies that are still hung up on your former flame and have not really moved on. So, either way, a comment like this won’t do much for his self-esteem. So the next time you experience boyfriend déjà-vu, permit yourself a deep sigh but keep it to yourself.
When we’re married/have kids…
If you feel you have finally met the man of your dreams, it is only natural that you would start fantasizing about the time when you are married and raising a brood in the suburbs. But unless you want to scare your new-found love away, keep these rosy dreams to yourself – at least temporarily. Men don’t like to feel rushed into a relationship and voicing thoughts about marriage and kids would make your guy feel that you are trapping him into something that he is still not ready for. There will surely be a time for discussing shared life goals but only after your partner has clearly indicated that he would like to spend his life with you.
Did you sleep with her?
Such questions make men uncomfortable and no guy wants to look sheepish before his partner. It is for this reason he may avoid a direct answer, not because he doesn’t want to come clean about his past. He may, he may have not. For your man, the only thing important is that he is no longer doing so and you would do well to respect that sentiment instead of nagging him about it.
Oops … I did it again
Announcing your body functions may elicit a weak smile from him and even maybe a chuckle. But deep down inside he does not want to see you in the same light as his beer buddies. Naturally everyone knows that women go through the same functions that men do and actually a few more, but no guy wants to hear icky details which might spoil the pretty, feminine image he has of his beloved.
Are you sure you're okay?"
This is particularly irritating when you ask it repeatedly of your guy - even after he’s told you he really is okay. When a guy is uncharacteristically quiet, his partner is quick to sense it but unfortunately she doesn’t leave it at that. She will continue to prod and probe, hoping to get to the bottom of their issue; in fact she may obsess over it to the extent that begins to suspect it’s something she has done. When in fact, there may not be a concrete reason at all. Men too have their bad days — they can be moody, tired, or just generally not feel like talking. So even though it may be hard, try not to read too much into it. Give him his space and keep yourself busy until he snaps out of it.
Men may not have your emotional intuitiveness, but they can surely sense it when you are upset about something. It could have to do with what they have done, or with something else. But pulling a long face and keeping your arms crossed tightly, all the while denying that anything is wrong, is not going to help at all. Men are far from mind readers and they are dismally poor at analyzing the impact of anything they may have said or done. So it is far better to be forthright about what is bothering you instead of wasting your time - and your guy’s too - by sulking. It is just not in the nature of men to keep persuading you to open up. If you keep denying anything is wrong, they will simply take you at your word and move on.