How to Get your Wife back after a Divorce

Divorce seems to be a pretty final way of untangling the mess of a failed marriage. It is after all a legal decree that reverts you both to the status of singles. And yet, even the finality of the legal paper cannot always control human emotions and it is possible that after all the torturous process, you still find yourself loving your wife. If this is so, here are a few ways you can get back your wife.

Be honest with yourself

The first thing to do is to get your own feelings in order. A divorce is one of the most stressful experiences, breaking up not only a marriage but even tearing apart a family and dividing resources. So despite everything, if you still find yourself wishing your wife back, ask yourself why. Consider if the reasons for wanting her back are strong enough to make you put in time and effort into a reconciliation. While it is quite possible that you still love your wife and want another chance to make things work, it is also likely that you want her back just to prove a point or because being dumped has hurt your ego.
More likely perhaps, you may appreciate the practical advantages of your current living arrangements and believe that you cannot afford to pay huge amounts in alimony or child support. Whatever your reasons for wanting your wife back after a divorce, decide if they are valid enough to make you fight for your relationship. Justifications like “a divorce is bad for the kids” are unlikely to mean much if they are being exposed to daily fights between you and your wife anyway.

Get back with your ex with this step-by-step guide.

Accept the change

Even if you are still truly in love with your now ex-wife and sincerely want to win her back, you need to understand that a breach has occurred. This implies that you perceive and accept the reality your marriage was in a bad enough predicament to be legally sundered. Thus if you react to the present with anger, denial, defensiveness and lengthy explanations about why she was wrong and you were right, then you will be losing the endeavor even before it has begun. Realize that you both have been already divorced and now you will have to start anew. Things cannot go back to exactly how it was because you both have traveled significant distance since then. Once you go about the situation with a calm head and collected behavior, it is more likely that your wife will probably be impressed by your maturity and willing to give you another chance.  

Get rid of negative feelings

Most couples start the other way round when they are trying to get back together after a failed relationship. They begin by diagnosing what has gone wrong and end up analyzing and dissecting the relationship to death. The more they focus on clashing priorities, rising tempers and out-of-control emotions, the more they are likely to get nowhere. So if you want to give your marriage another chance, start by putting aside all negative feelings between you and your wife. No doubt this is a tall order but you need to stop nagging and fighting first if you both are to get anywhere with your attempt at reconciliation.

Create a positive atmosphere

After months and perhaps years of marital conflict, you may have forgotten how to empathize with each other. Start out by going back to the time when you were dating and remember how you treated your partner with affection, care and consideration. Make a real attempt to feel those emotions for your wife now. Make her feel special and this will make them more open to a reconciliation. At the same time awaken those qualities in you that your partner found irresistible in the beginning. If she flipped over your sense of humor, make her laugh again. If she loved watching you paint pictures or play the piano, take it up again. Do things which you used to enjoy when you were first dating. During this time, avoid talking of what went wrong with your marriage and laying the blame on your spouse. Also take things slowly and don’t demand reassurance or commitment from your spouse right now. Keep things pleasurable and positive between you two so that it leads to greater interactions and you both rediscover the highs of being with each other.

Find out what went wrong

After you have achieved a measure of reciprocity and good will in your relationship, you can proceed to fix what may have gone wrong in your marriage. Here it will be crucial to maintain an objective point and not launch into a litany of your wife’s faults. Start by finding out when and what began causing the rift between you two and why things came to such a pass that divorce seemed the only alternative.

Look for solutions

Once you have diagnosed the problem, go about resolving it. This is the most important step if you want to win back your wife after the divorce. In order to resolve the underlying issues, remember that both of you will have to compromise on certain matters. Only when you and your wife are willing to change certain aspects of your personality, will you be giving your relationship a fighting chance. Focus on those aspects of your own mental and emotional makeup that may have contributed to the conflict. Do you always believe that you are right in any arguments with your wife or do you take her for granted while canceling a ‘date night’ or missing an important occasion? Find out what you need to change about yourself and be sure to stick to those changes. Don’t tell your wife that you are willing to be more responsible or more faithful and then half a year down the line, go back to making the same mistakes. This will make her feel that you cannot be trusted and that you are not serious about being together again.

Seek help

Winning your spouse back after a divorce is a long, complicated process. Even after you and your spouse have decided to resolve issues, you may find there is still work to be done. In such a situation it is best to seek help from a professional marriage counselor who may be able to guide you both towards a reconciliation that has greater chances of a lasting relationship. At the same time though, be prepared for the fact that despite your sincerest efforts, your wife may not simply wish to come back to you. The very point of the divorce was to be reverted to the status of singles and she may be looking to put her past behind. In such a situation professional help becomes even more crucial to enable you deal with feelings of loss and rejection and get on with your life.