There are scores of women out there – single, available and waiting for a guy just like you to walk into their lives. But they either escape your notice or you always find yourself being drawn to the wrong ones – the married kind. If you’re the kind who likes to live life a little dangerously, there’s probably an element of the furtive that adds excitement with a married woman. Meeting on the quiet, trying to escape being noticed, arranging clandestine meetings, lends a certain charm to the affair. This has given rise to controversial web sites which play cupid in extra-marital affairs.
There’s always a certain lure about the forbidden. However, just as Adam regretted taking a bite out of the apple when Eve tempted him, a married woman is just that - forbidden fruit. Why is it preferable to acknowledge that a married woman is strictly out of bounds and off limits?
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Married women come with excess baggage
A relationship is fraught with enough emotions and complications when it involves two individuals. But when you consider the situation with a married woman, there’s a lot more at stake than the feelings and lives of just two individuals – hers and yours. There’s a husband and maybe even one or more kid(s).
At some point, things will get out of hand when the affair comes out into the open. You have to be ready to deal with the repercussions of it. Are you ready to break up a family? You might console yourself by saying that your married lover and her husband already had problems before you came on the scene, but you must take responsibility for your actions and the role you have played in causing a deeper rift. If you hadn’t been on the scene she might have tried harder, but your entering into the equation has definitely complicated things.
Married women have a history
While most individuals who have had one or more relationships, have a past, with a married woman it is a little more complex. She has entered into a far more serious commitment and a sacred institution. If one or both of you have strong religious backgrounds, it will cause some very adverse reactions in your families. She has also built an entire life with another man and it will surely have moulded her personality and shaped her thoughts. She will probably have a lot of preconceived notions about the way a relationship works, based on her experience of married life.
She may just be using you
If you explore the reasons for her seeking an affair, you may be shocked to discover that she has realized that her husband is cheating on her and having an affair with his secretary/her best friend/has formed an attachment to someone online. In her despair, she wants to hit back. She could be using you to forget her anguish over the discovery or as a form of revenge, to get back at her unfaithful spouse. And you will end up being caught in the middle.
Married women need a change
Sometimes a married woman gets bored with the predictability of married life. Her husband may be too preoccupied with his career, working late hours and she feels neglected because he doesn’t spend enough time with her. She may become bitter and disillusioned with married life and she longs for a breath of fresh air – a change from the routine – and from that stems the need to indulge in a fling.
But this may be just a temporary distraction and she may never intend for it to be more than a passing fancy. Despite her cynicism about her marriage, she may not want to give it up either because of the security it represents or a certain lifestyle she is accustomed to. She may not want to rock the boat, which may leave you with a broken heart when she decides she wants out.
Married women fear the consequences
Ultimately, however hard she may try, sometimes, a married woman cannot summon up the courage to just walk out of her marriage. She either doesn’t want to upset her children or feels guilty about the havoc she will wreak in their lives if she walks out. She may want to retain her position in society and not want to be gossiped about in her friends' circle.
Or she may fear the wrath of her husband, if he threatens her with dire consequences if she thinks of leaving him. Or she may not want to be judged by her extended family and relatives as being shallow and not sticking with her marriage. Fearing all this and not wanting to face the music, she may, in all likelihood, return to her marriage bed, leaving your's cold.
Analyze your reasons
Think about why you have been attracted to a married woman. Is it because of what she represents in terms of the fact that she’s taken? Often, just like children, we want what we can’t have, or something that’s denied to us. If she leaves her husband for you, will she still appear as attractive a proposition? Or when the excitement fades, will your love for her fade too? If that is the case don’t make the mistake of ruining her life, because you will if you decide the relationship has lost its charm. She will feel cheated if she has destroyed her marriage and lost you.
When you enter into a relationship with a married woman, it doesn’t always spell doom. If the marriage was already dying a natural death, or she was virtually separated from her husband, and things go well, you may both decide to make things permanent. If there are kids involved, carefully consider all the implications.
You will have to shoulder the responsibility of being a surrogate father in addition to coping with the relationship with your lover/new wife. If the kids are older you will have to probably maintain a fine balance between being a friend and a role mode to theml. You may also have to refrain from being openly demonstrative with their mother, at least in the beginning, in case you alienate them or they are uncomfortable with it. All this places a lot of pressure on a relationship.
If you are tempted to enter into a relationship with a married woman, don’t just plunge headlong into it. In fact, if you can steer clear of it, that’s the easiest and most preferable option. For once the initial excitement begins to fade and you have to face the harsh realities, there are more complications than you bargained on.
But if you can’t seem to help yourself and do find yourself falling for a married woman, and she reciprocates your feelings, try and have the courage of your convictions and back off until she makes a decision to get out of her marriage if it is falling apart. Don’t get into the messy situation of letting her have her cake and eat it too!